dream

dream 1

there's a man who I really like (basically a crush, hard crush). he is a really successful man. so I apply to work under him (closer to him) as one of his assistant. somehow my application getting approval. yeay me. I'm very happy and excited to work under him (closer to him). I'm work hard to get noticed and being obvious that I like him. but he is indifferent towards me. its okay. I still love and enjoy my job. one day, we had outside-office assignment. in the crowd I see that my crush need help. therefore, I hurriedly offer my little help. however, he pretend that he did not see me trying to help him and left me to go to other place. being dumbstruck, I just realized that he acting like that maybe because he hate me. I'm so embarrassed with myself and sad. why I'm so idiot to believe that my crush, a perfect man, will eventually like me if he know me. my eyes become watery. I left the crowd to the nearest toilet because I don't want anybody saw that I'm sad. I calmed myself, alone, at the toilet. when I actually calmed myself, I seek my teammates. however, they're nowhere to be found. I was left alone. they're probably have gone back to office. that place was unfamiliar but I just looking for public transport to go back to our company. back at the company, I was getting scolded for coming back late. I told them that I got lost after going to the toilet. I guess they understand my situation since I'm not getting scolded anymore and they don't want anybody to be in that situation anymore. all members left the meeting room except for me and my crush. he walks towards me and asking why I suddenly disappeared. I just look down at the floor. he raised his voice and asking again the same question. I'm stuttering, how I'm supposed to tell him that I'm sad to know he hate me. I'm scared actually seeing him suddenly so angry like that because in the meeting back then he really quiet and seem really don't care about me. then he tell me don't disappear like that again and give a soft pat on my head before left the meeting room. I'm confused. what did just happen? did he care for me? as an assistant or as a woman? I'm so sad again because I misunderstood him. I really thought he hate me but he doesn't hate me.


dream 2

there's a really good looking and lovable junior at my school. however, I'm a delinquent student, a selfish one who always cause trouble. but somehow this innocent junior want to be my friend. since he's a cute boy, why not I just be his friend. somehow we became close friend. I started to like him. when I skipped class somehow I can find him skipped class too. I really feel like I'm a bad influence. one day, I got into a big trouble and getting expelled. I told him that we might not friends and not seeing each other again as I'm a troublesome and eventually will drag him too into some mess. to my surprised he confess that he really like me and will to accept my all include all flaw. I'm so touched with his confession but I told him I can't accept him confession eventhough I like him too. he really begged me to accept him.


dream 3

there's a cold but amazing guy at my academy. I'm not good with studying however I were in same class with the excellent student with my bare minimum result. one day, my lecture give us hard assignment. realize that I've might failed the whole semester if I failed this assignment. I decided to ask that guy to help me. he rejected to help me at first. so I offer him I will help him later if he help me. to my surprised he agreed eventhough I'm kinda feel weird if the excellent student really need help from such a helpless student. so we promise to help each other. I passed my assignment. later, he need my help on other day. but on that particular I forgot to help. I were late to help him which cause him trouble. it really hurt to see him in trouble. I'm deeply sorry towards him. he forgave me but I'm still uncomfortable. I'm were haunted by my guilt.


dream 4

there's an event that our company need to attend. my partner (a man, a colleague) and I were our company representatives. at the event, my partner introduce me towards his relatives (a beautiful woman). we had little chat then her partner arrived. she introduced him to me. to my surprise, her partner actually is my friend but she introduced him with other name. I'm puzzled. later, me and her partner were left alone. I asked his name again. he answered with the introduced name. because I feel weird with that unfamiliar name, I started teasing him. actually we were pretty close and have a lot teasing each other before. but he suddenly getting annoyed and mad at me for keeping teasing his name. he explained that he had to use other name to his partner (the beautiful woman) because she can't pronounced his name properly. haha. but then he become quiet and smile disappeared from his face. uh oh. he really mad at me. I need to console him. I asked him playfully that he cannot stay mad at me right. I repeated the question again. on my third try, he start smiling and answering that he don't know if he can stay mad at me. seeing that he started to smile I said that I've been know that you cannot stay mad at me. as I'm happy and relieved he don't mad at me, he said that he also don't know why he become soft-hearted with me. hearing that make me realized that I'm become playfully only at him and feel a sudden weird feeling.



p/s: sorry for long post. its actually not my style

Undescribable

So aku ta pasti aku na tulis cemana
Basically I don't know how to put them in words
Then buat apa tulis? Hmmm betul juga


So there's series of events that make me feels various feeling
Contohnya aku lupa na buat sesuatu
So mungkin terefek dekat orang lain
Mungkin orang tuh geram dengan aku tapi dia ta directly bagitahu aku
But somehow aku macam ada hint
Aku rasa bersalah buat dia rasa macam tuh
Apapun benda nih buat aku makin benci diri sendiri
So I kept questioning maself "why simple task you kenot do huh"
So of course I want to improve maself for me
Because makes others upset upsetting me more
But its apparently failed to improve
So its kinda upsetting me more too
Its also weird and upsetting too
It kinda upsetting to pretend to be oblivious too


Why huh

Godek godek phone

So aku godek godek notes dekat phone aku dan aku jumpa nih;

Kahwin muda

suma orang tahu kahwin muda itu berlaku apabila dua insan ajnabi bernikah secara sah pada usia belasan hingga awal 20 an

entry ini bukan untuk bersikap bias pada mana mana pihak, sekadar berkongsi pandangan

perkahwinan sesuatu yang dituntut oleh agama bahkan mempunyai kelebihannya

namun setiap perkahwinan yang dibina mempunyai pahit manisnya apatah lagi pada usia yang muda

okay yang tadi tuh kedengaran terlalu formal hahahahahahahahahahah

okay marriage comes with tonnes of responsibilities

muda muda da ready na pikul tanggungjawab? seriously?

okay kahwin untuk elak maksiat elak zina hati. niat tuh betul. yes couple haram. kalau da suka sama suka why not kahwin. lagipun orang yang berkahwin murah rezeki. ramai pasangan yang berkahwin muda bahagia. seronok tengok.

tapi for parents, mereka risau anak anak mereka (hasil budi bicara beberapa parents). of course mereka doakan yang terbaik untuk anak anak. every parents. lagi lagi kalau parents tuh ta nampak potential untuk anak dia pikul tanggungjawab. well parents knew what's marriage feels like. literally. at least they have marriage aged for 20 years. kadang kadang jiwa muda nih keinginan dia lain macam sikit. gelora dia aneh aneh.

tapi well kalau memang da na kahwin sangat sangat (lagi lagi tengok rakan sebaya suma da kahwin) tapi parents ta bagi, slow talk dengan mereka. nego. prove them yang kita mampu pikul tanggungjawab. 20 tahun da hidup bersama kud. tapi kalau susah sangat beralah. kuatkan iman selagi niat tuh demi agama pasti dipermudahkan. ye dok? hahahahahahahahahahah

masyarakat juga masih lagi memandang serong pada perkahwinan usia muda nih. ta salahkan mereka. tambahan pula beberapa adat resam dalam perkahwinan. biasanya perkara nih yang difikirkan parents. anak anak memang mudah berkata "buat apa peduli orang kata" "adat jah tuh ta wajib" ingat, parents hanya mahukan yang terbaik untuk anak mereka. yang semampu mereka sediakan

kalau tanya aku,

ya dan ta

ya sebab mungkin nampak manis, ta sebab aku tahu keadaan diri aku

sebenarnya sekadar peringatan kepada diri sendiri kepada jasa parents yang tah bila boleh balas

Entah bila tah aku taip benda nih dalam phone. Aneh aneh jah aku nih tapi masih valid dengan pemikiran aku buat masa nih hahahahahahahahahahah

Rasanya aku boleh tambah ulasan tapi ta berapa rajin pula hahahahahahahahahahah so that's it

Doakan jodoh yang baik untuk aku gais hahahahahahahahahahah

beauty is in the eye of beholder, really??

"cantik tuh subjektif"

hekeleh poyoyo semua itu.
bukan na sarkastik atau pesimis tapi realiti la.

model semua flawless kurus tinggi ramping putih kan?
macam mihun suhun.
retis pun.
ta tahu la bila start tapi itu beauty standard.

bukan apa, sebab cantik tu bonus.
kriteria lain pun penting tapi bonus cantik tu tinggi nilai dia.
siapa ta suka cantik?

so ramaila makeluk makeluk yang na jadi cantik.
sebenarnya sempurna sifat cukup fitrah ni da cantik da.
tapi disebabkan that particular beauty standard tuh,
ramai la yang ubah sana ubah sini.
(tunjuk ta tunjuk tu bab lain)

aku geram juga dengan that beauty stardard.
rare kud na dapat genetik yang memang ikut beauty sandard tu.
lagi lagi malaysian.
tapi ramai yang menyokong that standard.
majority win.

tapi entahla
nanti di Akhirat bukan kecantikkan yang dinilai kan?
tepuk dada sendiri,
tanya bekalan apa yang penting.

so teruskan hidup bersyukur dengan segala nikmat.
alhamdulillahhh.

to date

21 pilots

"Stressed Out"

I wish I found some better sounds no one's ever heard,
I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words,
I wish I found some chords in an order that is new,
I wish I didn't have to rhyme every time I sang,

I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink,
But now I'm insecure and I care what people think.

My name's 'Blurryface' and I care what you think.
My name's 'Blurryface' and I care what you think.

Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.
Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.

We're stressed out.

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young,
How come I'm never able to identify where it's coming from,
I'd make a candle out of it if I ever found it,
Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I'd probably only sell one,

It'd be to my brother, 'cause we have the same nose,
Same clothes homegrown a stone's throw from a creek we used to roam,
But it would remind us of when nothing really mattered,
Out of student loans and treehouse homes we all would take the latter.

My name's 'Blurryface' and I care what you think.
My name's 'Blurryface' and I care what you think.

Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.
Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.

We used to play pretend, give each other different names,
We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away,
Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face,
Saying, "Wake up, you need to make money."


We used to play pretend, give each other different names,
We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away,
Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face,
Saying, "Wake up, you need to make money."


Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.
Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.

Used to play pretend, used to play pretend, bunny
We used to play pretend, wake up, you need the money
Used to play pretend, used to play pretend, bunny
We used to play pretend, wake up, you need the money
We used to play pretend, give each other different names,
We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away,
Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face,
Saying, "Wake up, you need to make money."

something to chillout

yeah overly thinking do hurt your head sometimes

but yeah lets end the pretending

grow up

rationalize

future don't wait, Blurryface

membandingkan perbandingan

dalam hidup nih banyak pilihan
dalam memutuskan pilihan perbandingan dilakukan
okay itu obvious


jauh sikit
kita mula bandingkan kita dengan yang lain
berdasarkan pengalaman peribadi hati mula tergugat
secara tidak langsung wujud persoalan kepada sang Pencipta
benteng iman yang teguh diperlukan
agar tidak sesat
duniawi semata


dalam sikit
berkisarkan diri sendiri
membandingkan diri dahulu
membandingkan diri sekarang
mencari punca perubahan
ta seimbang
yang buruk meninggi
yang baik menghilang
salahkan pilihan yang dipilih?
takdir?
keadaan semasa?
persekitaran?
atau jati diri yang goyah
iman yang menipis
      hormat yang tua kerana banyak pahalanya
      hormat yang muda kerana kurang dosanya
bila tersasar
merangkak semula mencari landasan yang satu
yang benar
selagi sinar insaf belum padam


okay
rasanya ada lagi aplikasi perbandingan yang lain
buat masa ini, ini saja yang terlintas
seperti exam baru baru ini
notes ada tujuh lapan points
aku hanya ingat empat

dunia bercabang
menyukarkan pencarian
akhirat yang lurus
hmmm
Assalamualaikum wbt

kau ta bagitahu pun?!

kau ta bagitahu pun?!

okay ini boleh jadi sebab yang berpunca daripada miscommunication
ataupun misunderstanding
mungkin juga memang sengaja
dan berkemungkinan seseorang itu pelupa

"oh kau ta bagitahu pun yang kau etc etc etc"
"kau ta tanya"
"takan kena tanya kud kata kawan"
"takan aku na canang cerita aku satu dunia"
"fine"

*menangis
"kau okay ta?"
*sedut hingus "okay ja"
"kalau ada apa apa story dengan aku"
*senyum

"aku dengar kau etc etc etc"
"eh mana pula kau dengar"
"ta betul ke?"
"ta" "baik kau bagitahu kau dengar dari mana"

"aku sebenarnya etc etc etc"
"oh"
"kenapa macam ta terkejut?"
"da tahu lama da tapi tunggu kau cerita sendiri"

"weh, kau kena etc etc etc"
"hmm"
*suatu jangka masa kemudian
"kenapa aku ta tahu aku kena etc etc etc pun"
"aku da bagitahu lha"
"bila?"
"hari tuh"
"ada ke?"

"kau nih kan etc etc etc"
"yeke?"
"ye"
"kenapa dia ta cakap sendiri?"

"aku ta suka lha orang yang etc etc etc nih"
"aku etc etc etc juga" "jadi kau ta suka aku?"

okay macam macam lagi lha
apapun jujur itu penting
tapi kalau pahit sangat baik senyap
kan?

ataupun approaching yang takan malukan mana mana pihak

orang dulu dulu kata infact phrase nih masih digunakan lagi kud,
dia tuh mulut ja jahat tapi hati baik.

my opinion,
LIKE SERIOUSLY NONSENSE
explanation: kau cakap apa yang terlintas dalam fikiran kau, jadi apa yang didalam terpancar ke luar
agree?
tapi kisah pula
sikit